I didn’t do it. Her gaze was unwavering, and her voice was certain. I held the picture up again, a picture that showed she was guilty. No change. This was my first experience of someone who lied with confidence. Of course, in life I have experienced people who didn’t take responsibility for their actions, and in truth I can look back at times I successfully squirmed away from accepting with humility my own errors. This isn’t new. Thousands of years ago, a story was told of a man who was known for being bold and brutal. Confident he was on the right side of the law, he encouraged his comrades to kill in the name of God.
And then… and then a light was directed at his choices, and the truth was glaringly put in front of him: he was wrong. This is where our future is decided. A mirror is held up, and the choices before us are to look away and deny, or to sit with the discomfort of truth and step into responsibility.
The person who holds up the mirror also takes a risk. In some cases, it is the possibility of losing a friendship or facing rejection. The man who brought the mirror to the bold and brutal man knew the outcome could be death, yet still he held up the mirror. Because Ananias took this risk, Saul was given the option to look inside of himself, take responsibility, and change. In the metamorphosis that followed, Paul was born.
In my life, I have been on both sides of that mirror. In recent years, my job has given me the opportunity to see this process over and over, and it has changed me. Like Saul, I am a bold and brutal person. Outspoken even in my youth, I cringe as I look back at my insecure ramblings and self-righteous posturing. As I look into the mirror now, I find I have grown up. Still bold and brutal at times, but now tempered and a bit wiser.
Like Ananias, I don’t love holding up the mirror for others. Saul dug deep and changed, but I have found many don’t. They push back and shift blame. Their anger and discomfort need a landing place, and the mirror bearer becomes an easy target. I continue to reach for the mirror because I know that healthy boundaries are a gift. Spelling out expectations and consequences shows I care; I want them to change, I want them to grow. Still not fun.
I am working in my life to be more self-reflective, taking time to look back and try to learn. I am also embracing being a mirror bearer because I believe in people and their ability to change.
The woman at the start of this story never took responsibility. I find the most common outcome of this choice is that they do it again. Without self-reflection, that character flaw stays broken, and arrogance rules their choices instead of humility and self-control. The goal should be to stop the pattern and grow up.
Some days I find I am Ananias, and some days I am Saul. When someone holds a mirror up to me, I am trying to take a breath, look inside, change, and grow. It is up to me to take responsibility.
When I hold the mirror up for someone, I am trying to be clear and compassionate. I recognize I can’t make a person change, so I do my best to not carry responsibility that isn’t mine to bear.
Either side of the mirror gives us an opportunity for uncomfortable growth, and it depends on our choice of self-reflection or self-protection. We choose.
